stupid cars

On Saturday, I decided to rear end some innocent lady at a yeild sign. It wasn't persay a decision I made, it was more an action that happened. This incident could have been easily avoided. In fact, i sat the next 13 hours wishing I could have just taken one more second to do this, or to do that, or wished I would have just gone and done what I was planning before, in any of these cases, this would not have happened. if I could just rewind time for an hour, I would have. But we all know this is impossible. It is a tragic thing at times, but this is why we learn from our mistakes. This has been the biggest headache since the moment it happened. I have been so stressed all weekend, and now that the week has started, even more stressed. I learned today, that my employers are not going to go thru the insurance company and therefore making it so much more expensive, and therefore, i have to pay more. I was going to pay for it, but now that the bill is 4000 i can't. I am going to fight it. I know it isn't the smooth thing to do, but I don't think it is fair that even tho I am on insurance here and back home, and even tho it is not my car, it has insurance on it, that is what insurance is for... i just don't find it fair that because THEY don't want to spend the money for the premium to go up a little bit, I have to fork over 4000 dollars, WHICH is like all of what I will make out here. it is ridiculous, and not right. If it was my car, which I wish it was anyway, but... if it was, I would have had insurance on it, and I would be paying thru that... I wouldn't be doing this crap of going around insurance. So my mom told me to tell them that I will pay the deductible, and maybe possibly a little more, but I won't pay more because that is what insurance is for, to protect you. And since they are screwing me over, I don't think I should take it. I'm not going to be mean about it, but I don't think it is right. I really don't. I am not saying I won't pay at all, I will. I am just frustrated that they are the ones who furnish this car, furnish the insurance, and won't really give me a say of much in the matter. They don't want my car out here, and they don't want me paying for insurance... so I can't get around it, but then when something happens, they try to screw me over!? like what is that? it isn't enough that I already work past my hours every night, most nights. or that i am supposed to conserve on miles, but the kids' activities and what not take up all the miles I am allowed. I pay for my own gas, which they said they'd pay for. I find rides when I can. I even want to bring my car out here. I'm not trying to screw them over by saying I won't pay... I am only saying, I can not afford the price of that because THEY don't want to deal with insurance. It was an accident... Insurance is there to COVER THAT. oh I am sooooo annoyed right now. I can't pay that. and I won't. even if it means losing my job and moving back home. I am not going to pay $4000 to make these people happy. it just isn't going to happen. UGH.

the end. for now.